Your thoughts?

” Spent the afternoon laughing with Nathan about getting so lost on the way here, unpacking and picking fresh peaches. We watched a beautiful cloudy sunset over Mount Pisgah and sang hymns together on the deck as night fell around us.”

I know, it seems idyllic, right? The first day of five days totally alone with one another and God on top of a mountain. But notice the first line…”getting so lost on the way here.” The “so” should be in capital letters.

Our wrong turn was definitely the fault of my misreading of the GPS, and as a result we made one more right turn than we should have getting off of the Blue Ridge Parkway. Now this led us down a road that just did not look quite as well paved as the ones we had been traveling. Then it got more narrow, and more patched, and the lines were definitely not well marked anymore. Our first big clue should have been the sign that said “End State Maintenance,” but we were on vacation and on an adventure and we have an SUV, so we kept going. The paved road turned to gravel, then to a sort of gravel/dirt mix, and then to one lane. As the branches brushed our truck from both sides, we noticed a little bunny ahead of us on the lane. He just sat there and looked at us as if to say: “Oh, what are you?”  before SLOWLY hopping off into the bushes. Another sign this was not a well traveled road. But onward we pressed, fueled by our crazy GPS that kept insisting we were still on the way to our destination. We passed through one metal gate, off its hinges, and then turned onto another lane through a field, and back into woods where we met a nice couple on a Polaris. Now, if you city people don’t know, a Polaris is an all terrain vehicle that people, particularly mountain people, love because they will just about go anywhere. So, being a girl, I said: “STOP! Let’s ask them where this goes.” They just laughed at us and said: “Um, we are just visiting, but we think this road just goes further in.” Ok. But the GPS had us still on the purple path! So….. thinking the GPS must know better, we kept going. Down a hill, past a well hidden cabin, and finally, to a full stop, in front of the muddiest, muckiest, SUV trap-of-a-road we had ever seen. That is when Nathan called it. We were lost. And, we were pretty sure AAA would never find us if we got stuck in that mess.

Now there have been times, times I am ashamed of, when this type of thing would have been so frustrating to one or both of us, that our attitudes would have led to angry comments, or blaming one another, or worse. But not now. Not this time. Instead we were laughing our heads off. No cell phone coverage, a crazy GPS, falling light, no maps with us, and we were really, really lost. But we had joy…. and peace. We had no idea how we were going to get to our destination, but we could enjoy the journey together. We didn’t have to feel anxious about getting there. We both knew it would happen, eventually.

A wise man once gave me a valuable tool for determining when I am in-step with Holy Spirit. He said its true that the fruit of Holy Spirit is Love, Joy, Peace, Patience, Goodness, Gentleness, Kindness, Faithfulness and Self-Control. But, look at the first three. They are the keys to knowing if you are out of step with Him. If you are not experiencing a flow of Love, Joy, or Peace, something is wrong. Check in with Him. Ask Him to reveal what has come between the two of you: sin? neglect? indifference to His leading? Check in.

So on our journey to nowhere, we had been given an abundance of Peace. Which means we were experiencing the abundant presence of the third member of the Godhead. I don’t know why this time was different, except maybe our hearts were being prepared for the next few days. Maybe it was because we had taken one small step in opening our hearts to the One who IS Peace by saying yes to this weekend. Regardless of why, the experience was indelible. Two, admittedly pretty driven people, lost and laughing, enjoying the journey and the fellowship with each other. Knowing it was more about the process than the product…. a lesson that Father wanted to drive deep within us in the next few days….

Next post: My noisy, noisy, head….

The experience after that was nothing short of breathtaking, and not just because of the altitude. I have taken time to be alone with God in the past, on long hikes, at a monastery in California, and most every day I have some quiet time early in the morning just to focus on Him. This was not like that. I saw my Father weave a tapestry of love and meaning and grace around me, and I am forever changed.

Some of this experience was intensely personal, but some of it I would like to share with you in the coming days and weeks. Actually, I believe I am called to share it with you, and I plan to be obedient to that.

This morning the Father reminded me that just before Jesus breathed his Spirit on his disciples and sent them out (John 20:21-22), he spoke peace over them. This is what I believe God wants to speak over you, even in the midst of your own crazy schedule: Equipping, empowering, abiding, abundant, deep, peace. Peace that you can’t get from a massage, or shopping, or watching a movie, or kicking back with a beer and a ballgame, because it’s other-worldly peace (John 14:25-26). The Father opened my eyes to what this peace looks like and now I get to share it with you.

Peace, cd-c

(By the way, the above picture is the chapel on the retreat site where we stayed….)

I got slimed this week, and no I’m not going to talk about it. But…. It did take me back to another time I felt slimed. I had entered my first triathlon (this is just for you @carolynmejia) and I was still nursing a five-month-old. So, I did what any good athlete mom does, I took the boy with me. I nursed him, handed him to my (amazing) mom, and jumped in the water for the swim. Well, after swimming half a mile, and biking for an hour I had just started the 5k which was the last leg of the race. My time was ok, but I was starting to drag. Just then, a perky blond who was obviously on a team since she was not dripping wet, with her hair plastered to her head from her bike helmet, ran past me. She was ONLY doing the 5K run; her teammates having completed the other two legs. As she ran past, she commented to me and I quote… “slow and steady wins the race!” In my mind the comment to her was something like… “Oh, no, you didn’t.” Well that was all the motivation I needed to pick up the pace. I stayed just behind her, drafting it is called, until about a tenth of a mile before the finish. I passed her and beat her by fifty yards at the most.

I introduced myself after the race and was very encouraging and pleasant, but was very aware that she just didn’t understand racing protocol. You just never say discouraging words to another racer. It is, as the Brits would say, bad form. But that particular day, it was just the kick in the pants I needed to push myself to a great finish.

Are you with me? What negative speech have you allowed to defeat you? Be certain. You are God’s child. No weapon formed against you can stand. Run the race with endurance (Hebrews 12:1). I am cheering for you!

I just found out that a snail can sleep for three years.  It is actually hibernation, but that is basically sleeping, right?  That puts a WHOLE new slant on the colloquial phrase that is the title to this post; and it really got me thinking about my timing expectations. It will take me over two more years to finish the doctorate I am working on; which sort of feels like hibernating. It may not look like I am changing from the outside, but so much is bubbling inside me from all that I am reading and learning, that I can hardly contain it. From research on the relationship between violent video games and violence in kids, to leadership coaching for pastors, I’m just eating it up.

When a thousand years is like a day to the One that I worship, it is no wonder that His timing doesn’t always make sense to me. Just when I think everything will fall into place for the next thing, I end up waiting…. and waiting…. But I am pretty sure the snail hibernation thing is just one more way for God to say to me: I AM… I AM in charge of time, I AM doing what I AM doing, and I won’t be rushed, I AM perfect, and just you wait and see what I AM will do.

Ok. I yield. Even if it is at a snails pace, I would rather have your end than mine. I would just ruin it anyway.

One more thing. Along that trial laden, path, with surprise blessings at every turn, we begin to find a rhythm. I think of it like breathing. We learn to inhale and exhale, in a spiritual sense, and we become more adept at this rhythm as we mature. Inhaling is when we take opportunities to read and study the Word, when we allow the Holy Spirit to counsel us in quiet time, and when we listen to God in prayer, in preaching, and in godly conversations with other believers. Exhaling is our opportunity to apply the truth God has placed within us and bless others. We exhale in ministry, we exhale in service, we exhale as we walk through trials, and we exhale when we tell the truth of the gospel to those who don’t have hope. Just like breathing. In. Out. In. Out.

I see a problem sometimes, when believers rely too heavily on either exhaling or inhaling. Inhale all the time, you become stale. You are filled to the brim with Bible study and prayer time, and devotionals and you go to every worship event you can…. but you don’t exhale. You don’t serve. You don’t apply. Rooms that don’t have an outflow for air smell terrible, like tombs. I prefer a cross-breeze, don’t you? The other side of the pendulum are those who exhale all the time. I think you know where this is going now. Exhaling all the time, is doing ministry and service without Holy Spirit fuel. We cannot continually pour out, we cannot serve and serve and serve without times of refreshing and refilling. This is spiritual maturity. Learning the rhythm that God has for you. Read John 20. Jesus breathes on his disciples and sends them out. That is a model for our work as well. Accept His breath on and in you, and bless others with it. Your spiritual maturity depends on it.

The devastation in Haiti is beyond heartbreaking. I spent much of yesterday weeping on and off, and I am not prone to that sort of thing, at least not like some women I know I am studying the Psalms of ascent right now (Ps. 120-135) and as I was crying out to God for the Haitian people and especially our sister church in Boyer, I realized that the journey of the Psalms of ascent begins with a cry out to the Lord. Psalm 120 is all about that. “In my trouble, I cried to the Lord, and He answered me.” (Ps 120:1). Does that mean we won’t have trouble? No, I think that is obvious; we have trouble all the time, and sometimes tragedy and devastation, but it is the second part of the verse that really stuck with me… “He ANSWERED Me.” It is easy to forget that this human experience that we spiritual beings are having, is really all about a conversation, a relationship, with the almighty God. He is the creator of each of us, and the lover of our souls. If we think we are sad, watching the devastation that happens in our world, think of how you might feel if you made it all. If you brought it all into being, wouldn’t your heart grieve each time a child is taken from his mother, or when a family loses their home, or when an earthquake wreaks death and destruction in an already impoverished country? Knowing that our God answers, means that He is listening, that He is present, that He cares, and grieves more that we can imagine. I am sad today for the Haitian people, but I am certain that God is sadder than I am.

I hope all of us will do all we can to respond beyond our tears, and make our faith into actions. Let’s remind the world that we serve a loving God. A God that uses all things to draw the world to Himself. Let’s pray and fast and seek His face and give, our time, our talent and our money…

One small way to help the Red Cross: text “Haiti” to 90999, and the Red Cross will answer you, confirm with the word “YES” and they will bill your phone $10. 1.2 million dollars was raised yesterday, and $10 of that was mine, how about you?

I usually write the narration between songs, and I was just struggling with a blank page. Then the songs that seemed to stick in our heads were not very Christmasy, they were more about peace, and justice and God’s plan for the world.  So we decided to go back to our knees, and really ask God again what He wanted to say. After praying and fasting, the idea occurred to us that God wanted more from us than just a beautiful musical, He wanted us to make a difference for the needy and the hurting.

Now, for a small church, we are prolific about our support for missionaries around the world. We support a sister church in Haiti which we visit often, we support several more missionaries that work with the needy and orphans in Romania, Vietnam, and Belize. We have even sent a missionary around the world with the World Race. Lately though, God has been moving in our midst to be more aware of those who are needy right here at home. We drive past them every day, we walk past them downtown; they are Wilmington’s homeless. We felt God stirring our hearts to focus on this often invisible crowd and to bless them. So we stumbled on the idea of giving out backpacks filled with blankets and necessities for the homeless.

Well, the musical was beautiful and it was touching to see how our little church stepped up to the task of donating packed backpacks as well as cash to buy more backpacks and supplies. But, I had not really thought about what would happen next.  Our compassion ministry organizers had arranged with First Fruits Ministry, who supplies meals to the homeless Sunday and Wednesday nights, to tag along with them those two evenings and give out our backpacks and supplies. I thought we were going to bless some people who did not expect it, but I had no idea how they would bless us.

My husband and I and our boys, Caleb and Levi, met two other families from our church for the delivery.  On the way there, the boys were so excited to get to give out the backpacks they had packed. They were wondering about who would get them and what they would be like. The expectation in their little faces was so much like the night before Christmas, except they were even more excited to give than to receive.

When we were there, in the dark parking lot of a downtown church, handing out food and hot cocoa and backpacks, I finally understood the amazing blessing God had for us to experience. For my children to talk with real people in need, and be able to be the hands and feet of God in meeting those needs, it was life changing. The homeless were no longer scary or foreign, they were real people with real stories; stories which could just as easily be ours.  One man lost his job in the economic downturn, then he lost his house, and now he lives in his car trying to get a job. Another man got sick and couldn’t pay his medical bills and then he couldn’t afford rent anymore, and now he lives on the street.

After a couple of hours, we were out of supplies and the crowd dwindled.  As we watched, the ones we had come to bless, but who had really blessed us, disappeared into the cold night, and the reality hit us all. WE had warm houses and beds to return to, and they were going… where? To a tent, or a box, or a park bench or a doorway? Our hearts hurt for them, and we knew we could never give enough. The boys asked me if we could do this every Wednesday night, so I think we will be making this a habit for sure. And I think we all understand a little more about how our Savior felt, when He entered this world, full of need.

He sees the depth of our need, and He answers it with His love; His completely perfect love. Then, He sends us out, to show those in need that same love.  You see, if we just fill up, and never pour out, we become stagnate like those retention ponds around town. We grow algae and just sit there filled with water. But if we pour out, as we are continually filled up, we become useful to those around us.  The living water that Jesus talks about in John 4, is HIM, the more we give Him away, the more of Himself He can give us.

So the lesson this year; give it away, give it away, give it away now…

I am writing Christmas.  Doesn’t that sound funny?  I know, right?  I keep using that phrase… ” I have to finish writing Christmas…” and I just noticed how strange it is that I keep saying that.  What I mean of course is that I am writing the transitional monologues between our musical numbers for our Christmas celebration at Church on The Cape.  My husband is the music director there and I am the media director… which makes us partners for this big gig. I found myself overwhelmed with finishing the script a few weeks ago, along with writing a couple of big papers for school and trying to finish a big project with my consulting job all at the same time.  And then I stopped. The Holy Spirit had to remind me that HE WROTE CHRISTMAS. He was in charge of the script and he motivated and directed all the players. Boy, that was a humbling moment. He showed me all the striving that we do at this time of year to MAKE  things happen, and the reality is He made it happen. All I have to do is ask Him what He wants to convey to His people. When will I get it through my THICK SKULL that I am just a vessel.  A leaky one at that!  I must continually be refilled, in order to be poured out.

I know he gave us the idea to celebrate Him as King this year.  I know He gave us the idea to serve our community through giving backpacks filled with supplies to the homeless as an offering at the musical, so why was I not trusting Him to give us the words?????

So, I returned to the source. I humbled myself before the throne and asked forgiveness for my perceived self-sufficiency, and asked the right questions.  I finished that script in just a few hours, and my pastor, who has to read it, really liked it  I trust Him and respect him tremendously, so that was confirmation that it was going in the right direction.  So, while it does matter that we have amazing lights this year, or that we have invited the very best musicians to play with us, or that the choir and other vocalists have worked SO HARD to learn their parts, the very most important work has been that of the hound of heaven.  I KNOW He has pursued some people and that their hearts are ready to hear the truth next week. I know that because I didn’t end up writing Christmas…. He did. I can’t wait to see Him get the glory!

Have you heard the one about the  needy wife and the dim wit husband?

Is anyone else sick of the emails that make fun of how much women require from a man and how little a man requires of a woman? It’s irritating. You know the ones I’m talking about. The email that lists all the things a woman needs from a man and then says all a man needs is a woman naked and with beer. I’m sorry but the joke has played out and I’m kind of sick of the implications. My husband expects much of me. He expects me to be frugal and take care of my responsibilities. He expects me to be on time and level headed. He wants me to keep my feet on the ground while he adores my bright ideas. I think all that is pretty normal. And I don’t think I expect too much from my husband, just that he puts me first before every one else. I mean, I’m not going to put me first and he knows it. I am the love of his life and I expect to be treated so and I also expect to serve him with all of my heart. This is real, not the slanted version of a needy wife and a dim husband. He is the law layer of our house and very much aware of the ins and outs of how our house is run. I am his helper, who comes alongside of him, especially when he is discouraged, and we finish together for God’s glory. And what is worse is it doesn’t stop at emails. No. It goes on and on all over television and radio talk shows; how the man is the silent type and the woman is who really wears the pants in the family. Television shows like “Everybody loves Raymond” and really any morning radio show. Show that make the husband out to be a buffooned and the woman is the voice of reason and she is the only dependable one. “If mamma ain’t happy, nobody’s happy.” No wonder our young adults are throwing the family order out the window. We laugh at these things while the media is ushering them away from God’s wonderful plan (no surprises there). But do we as Christians have to accept that? No, of course we don’t! We don’t have to buy into this topsy turvy way of thinking because we have been given the truth and the Spirit to discern the truth from a lie. I mean come on, can we really think that if everyday the only thing a wife did was be naked when her husband was home and serve him beer that he would be happy and fulfilled? No, nor would she. Do we really have to believe that todays culture is women filling the leadership role and even mothering their husbands? It is no longer a laughing matter as far as I am concerned. It is far too wide spread an idea to turn a blind eye to it any longer. As we are endulging ourselves with this entertainment our daughters are watching and learning. They are taking their ques from us, dear ladies. Sisters, let us be bold in our service to our husbands. Let us be their help with all joy and let us respect our men biblically. Let us endure through the hard times and not grow weary of God’s mandate. Let us encourage our mates unto their leadership roles and let us summit our ideas to them for their God given judgement. Let us give unconditional respect to them just as we expect unconditional love from them. Husbands, take the charge over what God has given you to be in charge of. Be brave and usher your family into God’s presence. Lead your wife as unto righteousness so that she may be presented to God by you as holy and pure. Keep evil at bay with prayer over your household. Men, who else is going to do it? Don’t depend on your mamma or anyone else to do the spiritual things that God has commanded you to do. You love your wife so love her with a godly love; the same love that Christ loves His church. May God give us all the grace we need to be the biblical wives He intends for us to be and may He give us strength to resist the media and our culture which are contrary to the teachings of His Jesus.