I am writing Christmas.  Doesn’t that sound funny?  I know, right?  I keep using that phrase… ” I have to finish writing Christmas…” and I just noticed how strange it is that I keep saying that.  What I mean of course is that I am writing the transitional monologues between our musical numbers for our Christmas celebration at Church on The Cape.  My husband is the music director there and I am the media director… which makes us partners for this big gig. I found myself overwhelmed with finishing the script a few weeks ago, along with writing a couple of big papers for school and trying to finish a big project with my consulting job all at the same time.  And then I stopped. The Holy Spirit had to remind me that HE WROTE CHRISTMAS. He was in charge of the script and he motivated and directed all the players. Boy, that was a humbling moment. He showed me all the striving that we do at this time of year to MAKE  things happen, and the reality is He made it happen. All I have to do is ask Him what He wants to convey to His people. When will I get it through my THICK SKULL that I am just a vessel.  A leaky one at that!  I must continually be refilled, in order to be poured out.

I know he gave us the idea to celebrate Him as King this year.  I know He gave us the idea to serve our community through giving backpacks filled with supplies to the homeless as an offering at the musical, so why was I not trusting Him to give us the words?????

So, I returned to the source. I humbled myself before the throne and asked forgiveness for my perceived self-sufficiency, and asked the right questions.  I finished that script in just a few hours, and my pastor, who has to read it, really liked it  I trust Him and respect him tremendously, so that was confirmation that it was going in the right direction.  So, while it does matter that we have amazing lights this year, or that we have invited the very best musicians to play with us, or that the choir and other vocalists have worked SO HARD to learn their parts, the very most important work has been that of the hound of heaven.  I KNOW He has pursued some people and that their hearts are ready to hear the truth next week. I know that because I didn’t end up writing Christmas…. He did. I can’t wait to see Him get the glory!

Below is a Note posted to FB (facebook for all you noobs out there) by my friend Amber, a homeschooling mom, who also ROCKS the guitar, electric bass and cello (yes, classically trained on the cello).  I admire it, and her, so I am passing it along…

Have you heard the one about the  needy wife and the dim wit husband?

Is anyone else sick of the emails that make fun of how much women require from a man and how little a man requires of a woman? It’s irritating. You know the ones I’m talking about. The email that lists all the things a woman needs from a man and then says all a man needs is a woman naked and with beer. I’m sorry but the joke has played out and I’m kind of sick of the implications. My husband expects much of me. He expects me to be frugal and take care of my responsibilities. He expects me to be on time and level headed. He wants me to keep my feet on the ground while he adores my bright ideas. I think all that is pretty normal. And I don’t think I expect too much from my husband, just that he puts me first before every one else. I mean, I’m not going to put me first and he knows it. I am the love of his life and I expect to be treated so and I also expect to serve him with all of my heart. This is real, not the slanted version of a needy wife and a dim husband. He is the law layer of our house and very much aware of the ins and outs of how our house is run. I am his helper, who comes alongside of him, especially when he is discouraged, and we finish together for God’s glory. And what is worse is it doesn’t stop at emails. No. It goes on and on all over television and radio talk shows; how the man is the silent type and the woman is who really wears the pants in the family. Television shows like “Everybody loves Raymond” and really any morning radio show. Show that make the husband out to be a buffooned and the woman is the voice of reason and she is the only dependable one. “If mamma ain’t happy, nobody’s happy.” No wonder our young adults are throwing the family order out the window. We laugh at these things while the media is ushering them away from God’s wonderful plan (no surprises there). But do we as Christians have to accept that? No, of course we don’t! We don’t have to buy into this topsy turvy way of thinking because we have been given the truth and the Spirit to discern the truth from a lie. I mean come on, can we really think that if everyday the only thing a wife did was be naked when her husband was home and serve him beer that he would be happy and fulfilled? No, nor would she. Do we really have to believe that todays culture is women filling the leadership role and even mothering their husbands? It is no longer a laughing matter as far as I am concerned. It is far too wide spread an idea to turn a blind eye to it any longer. As we are endulging ourselves with this entertainment our daughters are watching and learning. They are taking their ques from us, dear ladies. Sisters, let us be bold in our service to our husbands. Let us be their help with all joy and let us respect our men biblically. Let us endure through the hard times and not grow weary of God’s mandate. Let us encourage our mates unto their leadership roles and let us summit our ideas to them for their God given judgement. Let us give unconditional respect to them just as we expect unconditional love from them. Husbands, take the charge over what God has given you to be in charge of. Be brave and usher your family into God’s presence. Lead your wife as unto righteousness so that she may be presented to God by you as holy and pure. Keep evil at bay with prayer over your household. Men, who else is going to do it? Don’t depend on your mamma or anyone else to do the spiritual things that God has commanded you to do. You love your wife so love her with a godly love; the same love that Christ loves His church. May God give us all the grace we need to be the biblical wives He intends for us to be and may He give us strength to resist the media and our culture which are contrary to the teachings of His Jesus.

I love Narnia. I think I have read the C.S. Lewis classic series of children’s books The Chronicles of Narnia upwards of 8 times since my childhood.  I love all the books (The Horse and His Boy, um, notsomuch) but if I had to pick a favorite, it would have to be the last one.  The Last Battle might be a strange choice as the fav since it is missing Susan (sad) and it is the end of Narnia (sad too), but I love the themes woven so expertly through the tale.  One of those is that all of us make choices that have consequences, and some of them are eternal in nature (Susan’s story).  Another, that this is NOT all there is (Narnia ends, as this world will too).  But my favorite is that the journey is the thing, as much as the destination. It is every bit as important how we get there as where we land.  My favorite quote from the book is when Aslan, the lion, who represents Jesus, says to the ones who have made it through the door and into Aslan’s country (Heaven, essentially) that they need to move.  ”Further up and farther in,”  he says, urging them to leave the entry point and go deeper into the country prepared for them.  I love that.  It is so like God to say that to us.  Hey, get moving, because there is more to see, more to do!  I spend time with women in my Pilates studio all the time, and I am always fascinated by their journeys. I am amazed by the way God is teaching all of us through our lives to move further up and farther in. We are learning the lessons of faith that we each must learn, at just the right time for each of us.  I am so thankful for all that He has brought me to and through, as He has led (and many times PUSHED) me further up and farther in. It’s just like the book of James says when we are encouraged to see trials as opportunities to develop perseverance.  We will need it for the journey…. here is praying I see you along the road….

Sometimes I have a choice to make.  I have options, which is good.  Only sometimes there are too many options. It’s like going to the Cheesecake Factory.  I mean how can anyone not find what they want on a 16 page menu, right?  Well it makes me crazy.  I can’t go there because I can’t choose just one thing out of so many yummy choices!  Right now, our life is like that.  We have some choices to make.  They are all good choices potentially, but I know, because I know how my God works, that there is one that is best.  There is one that is God’s desire for our family, for our future, that brings Him the most glory.  I am after that one.  I earnestly desire God’s best for us.  I trust His perspective because He exists outside time, He sees the beginning and the end and He knows the plans He has for us (Jer 29:11).  I trust my husband too.  I know he has our family’s best interests at heart.  There are some big steps ahead and I am uneasy about what the potential result will be, but I LOVE that Nathan and I are placing ourselves intentionally, deliberately in God’s hands… there is no better place.

I was thinking of that timeless Disney tale The Lion King this week, for a few reasons.  First because I really want to go to New York.  The City is perhaps my favorite urban destination of all (though to be fair, I have not been to London, or Paris, so I have to reserve final judgement on that until I have), and though we were planning a trip there this summer, it looks like we probably will not be able to make it work before school starts.  So, needless to say, I am bummed about that which makes me nostalgic for things I have seen and experienced there; one of them being the Broadway production of The Lion King (remember J,J&K?). It was amazing.  Julie Tamar is a genius; her vision astounds me (Titus Andronicus notwithstanding – that one just threw me).  But it is not that version that my mind finally settled on.  I was thinking of the animated version.  You know, the one with Timone and Pumba, and the icky bugs that they cracked open and ate…. um, Ew. Anyway, one of my favorite movie quotes is from that fat little pig when he says “Your behind is in the past!”  Timone immediately corrects him, stating the colloquial phrase correctly “your past is behind you.”  But it’s the first one that has always stuck with me… mostly because it cracks me up, but also because it is so true.  The most embarassing parts of our selves (like our behind), is actually behind us, if we have reached any modicum of maturity in our adult walk; so what I want to know is why do we keep bringing it up?  Why is it that we feel that the past must continue to define us when it is behind us?  Forgiven.  Wiped clean. Redeemed.  Do we really get it?  It is GONE.  The Word says, it is as far away as East is from West.  I think the reason God uses that terminology instead of as far as North is from south is that when you get all the way North as far as you can go, you start going South, but you can go East forever.  You can go West forever.  Eternally.  That is how far our forgiven sin is put away from us.  My behind is in my past.  So is yours. Let’s start living like it.

All of us get them, we bump into things, we stumble and fall, we move too quickly and end up with one… usually when we are in a hurry and going to a place where it will show, and they are usually accompanied by choice words.  My latest favorite is “shikabrika.”  I know its not a real word, it just makes me feel better to say it when I run into something.  But I was thinking about bruises today and thinking they are sort of war-w0unds as well, I mean all of us have bruises from life, right?  We have stumbled and fallen, and in our psyche’s attempt to heal us, we have focused our efforts on recovery and trying to understand what happened and why.  Blood rushes to the wounded spot and pools there.  It is an obvious wound.  Evident to all.  Sometimes, as a student of human behavior, I wish our emotional bruises were as evident as our physical ones.  Wouldn’t it be easier if we knew that our friend had been raped in high school, or that our co-worker was ignored by their father growing up?  If we wore our emotional bruises for all to see, I think our empathy with one another would soar.  Instead, we assume the people around us haven’t been through all the crap we have and that causes a whole other set of problems with communication and friendship and intimacy…. but alas, we will have to continue to DISCUSS our lives and share our experiences to know what others have been through.  All in all though, I like bruised people better.

James says “consider it pure joy, my brothers, when you face trials of many kinds, for the testing of your faith develops perseverance”  which makes me think that the bruises we have are meant to heal; that God uses the bruises that have healed to toughen us up for the race we are running.  I think that is an amazing thought.  And James continues in that thought to encourage us that perseverance will finish its work so we will be complete and, in fact, able to discern God’s will for us after having endured the bruises of this life.

Well if that is the Truth, then make me black and blue Lord.

Today I paddled down Smith Creek here in Wilmington with my boys and I have to say it was absolutely beautiful. It was great exercise but so restful at the same time. I love the unplugged feeling of being out on the water on kayaks and the conversations we all have while there are no distractions. The last couple of miles into the Cape Fear was hard paddling and the boys almost gave up, but we made it. Hmmm, reminds me of the journey we are all on. It is the last few miles to gain the goal that is often the hardest. But how great to lay down sweaty and spent on a dock and thank God that you got to the finish. I just want to hear Him say well done.

… is not a term I would use to describe myself; until recently, that is.  I switched to MAC everything and now I appear to be an expert at web design, podcasting, visual presentations, and blogging.  HA. This is not a MAC commercial, but if they wanted me to be in one, this is what I would say:  my company spent 3K on a Dell laptop with all the bells and whistles which has frozen up nearly every day, while my Macbook has worked like a horse for 6 months without the first glitch.  So, I love my MAC.  NOT as much as I love God, or my husband, or my children, but it is definitely right up there.  The reason I am posting all this is because it got me thinking about practical spirituality.  People in this day and age need to know that following the Way works.  With all the deception, and instability and uncertainty out there today, the most important thing we as believers can do is be commercials for the fact that a relationship with Jesus Christ just WORKS. It works more effectively to bring meaning to our existence on this planet, than the power of positive thinking, or finding your true self, or tapping into your inner whatever. Being in constant contact with the creator and sustainer of all life, just makes sense, especially when everything around us seems to be spinning out of control.  What I am advocating and what I am trying to do more, is just live our faith out loud, without apology, as purely and simply as waking up everyday and placing my life and hopes once more in His hands. What I am trying to do is to not tell people “hey, I will pray about that”  when they tell me their struggle, but to ask if they have taken that to God, and then proceed to do just that with them, right then.  I am asking more people, if they have read in God’s Word, how He sees and handles the very problem they are dealing with.  I have used this for years with my kids, after reading Shepherding a Child’s Heart, addressing all things from discipline to prayer life to mourning, but I see how practical it is to use every opportunity we are given with our friends, neighbors and the girl that checks my groceries out at Harris Teeter.  We live in an increasingly dark and despairing time, and I can just sense the heavy hearts around me.  We are to always be prepared to explain the hope that we have according to I Peter 3:15, and I am certain that as the times get darker, those that follow the Way, will need to shine brighter.  I, for one, plan to be a commercial for what works.

  A good friend, and I men a “good” friend; she is in fact a missionary, which I am not sure makes her better than the rest of us, but it qualifies as “good” in my book, and I were having a chat today and she had mentioned recently that I have been a bad blogger.  Now I know that what she means by that is that I have been a neglectful blogger, and yes, it’s true, I have.  I could blame it on work, or the Christmas season, or losing my grandmother in December, or family schedules, or even facebook, but none of that would be why I have not been blogging (ok, well maybe facebook is to blame… phenominal time stealer), but the truth of it is that I haven’t taken time to contemplate recently.  And that is different from not having time.  I don’t know about you, but I often find myself living quickly.  Expediently, you know, like running efficiently.  Conserving effort in order to maximize output.  But I can only go so long like that before I run out of steam.  I can’t deliver those goods without ceasing because I am the supplier as well, and I in turn get my supplies from another source.  My sustenance is from The Source, The God that loves me, The Saviour that knows me intimately, The Spirit that dwells in me.  So guess what my wake up call is?  Comparison and compromise.  It happens every time. Not that I don’t study, or pray, believe me there is plenty of that, I am very disciplined, but the depth has been lacking for a few months, and if I don’t dwell richly with that which dwells within me, I end up the poorer for it. I notice myself comparing, and compromising.  Ouch.  There it is.  I have only One to whom I answer.  I am made to worship Him and bring Him glory, and turn these gifts He has placed in me back to Him in paise.  I can only do that when I am deeply and consistently connected to Him.  And in so doing, I re-affirm the calling placed on my life.

So, back to my missionary friend.  She is good.  She is obedient because she is called to do something and she is doing it, full-on, all-out.  Big Applause from me, but it’s no good comparing, not to her, not to my friend who drinks too much, not to that legalistic church, not to the friend who “made it” on Broadway, not to the relative who can’t keep a job. Comparison only breeds Pride, or Prejudice (hmmm good title for a novel).  It is poison and it is compromise, when my hero has told me to keep my eyes focused on Him.  Looking to the right or left just makes that pretty hard now doesn’t it?  

So, I am blogging, because I am contemplating, because I am dwelling more deeply with the One who created me.

I don’t want to be perfect…I used to.  I really used to want to be perfect.  Oh, the pursuit of that elusive goal, the striving, the hours I have wasted trying in my own strength to be a perfect student, friend, mother, wife, business partner, employee.  

The enemy would have us believe that our failure to achieve perfection makes us less deserving of love.  He has spoken that to my heart many times.  But what a black hole of darkness waits at the end of that thought trail. I am convinced that the enemy wants to steal our joy, stifle our ministry and ultimately to take our life, and when he can convince us that we should try to be perfect, he is well on his way.  But my God created me… with flaws.  That is what it took for me to realize that I couldn’t be perfect, because I have flaws! I am so thankful for my flaws!  They are the reason I know that the only perfection that can be found in me is His perfect Love.   

This week, I am embracing my flaws, they make me wholly dependent on a perfect God.